Guiding Principles

Empathy

lauren helps reyna

Empathic individuals are the foundation of a strong community; empathy enables people, however different from one another, to live well together. Empathy brings us slowly but surely to the startling revelation that other people are just as real and important as we are. When you can put yourself into another person’s place and feel what he feels, you grow internal motivation to treat him with respect and kindness. Lauren hears her friend Reyna’s nervous chatter, and offers a steadying hand; she is listening. And when Justice stops running to help Kai with a cape, he is empathizing with Kai’s desire to join the fun; Kai’s need to play is just as real to Justice as his own need to play.

justice helps Kai

We help children develop empathy through many, many conversations about feelings — conversations in which children share feelings with adults who listen to them with genuine empathy, and conversations when adults help children listen to each other’s feelings. Abby is sobbing, and her teacher Aimee is listening. In this moment, Abby is learning about empathy in the most powerful way we know how to teach it. She is having the experience — as she will over and over at Children First — of being heard, of having her heartbreak and longings honored by a caring adult with the emotional resources and maturity to allow her to be fully herself in this moment.

aimee abby

Children also exercise empathy when they hear books read aloud and discuss the motivations of the characters; when they act out stories their friends have told; and most of all, in pretend play, where they dramatize feelings in the roles they choose.

maya sydney drama

Check on them.
Say, “It’s okay.”
Rub the hurt part.
Give them a hug (but ask first).
Give them a kiss (but ask first).
Ask if they want you to pick them up.
Say sorry if you hurt them.
If you took something from them and they got sad, you could give the thing back to them.
Get them a cloth. Ask them if they want it to be wet or to be dry.
Wait for them.
Ask if they want a grown-up. If they say “yes,” go find a mom or a dad or a teacher to help.
They might go to to that alone space outside or that alone space inside.
You could get a paint brush and a paint and paint on a paper for the friend.
Probably you could write a letter to them. You could write all of the letters that they like.
And probably you could read a book to them, like Lillian reads books to us.
Take them to a nice cool place, or a pretty place, like the garden.
Invite them to join you at the snack table.
Ask them to go to lunch or dinner with you later.
Say, “Do you want to have a sleepover at my house?”
Invite them to come play their favorite thing.
Stay close beside them. If they like to be touched, rub their back. If they don’t like to be touched, just sit there quietly.
Listen to what they want.

- From the book “Things You Can Do If Your Friend is Sad or Hurt” written and illustrated by the 2015 2016 Children Firsters